27

i came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive

on friday night we studied the passage from genesis 21:8-20 about hagar and ishamael being sent into the desert once again. we were supposed reflect on a time in our life where we felt incredibly desperate similar to the way that hagar felt in v. 16. i knew right away it was my moment in october after months of feeling alone. i knew we could all easily relate with hagar when she felt like she just couldn't take anymore. however, we were reminded in the passage that though there are moments of desperation when we feel alone and lacking, God is there and he has for us exactly what we need. hagar was so desperate that she couldn't see the well right in front of her v.19. an angel had to come to her and make this well obvious to her.

i thought it was funny that this was the passage for the night because just the night before, i had been reflecting on my life. feeling so sick of the way i've been feeling and deciding that it was time that i get out of my damn rut and have me some adventures. of course, my conviction came from watching the australia episode of kate plus 8. this women went through such a sad and public divorce, but she did not let it define her. her life didn't end with the divorce. she knew that she was still very blessed. she has 8 amazing kids and is still very young.

i am 27 years old. there was so much i wanted to have by now. when i was young and naive in college i had expected to be married by now. and dreams like that don't die easily. but even bigger than that, every year i blow out my candles and ask that my family come to know the Lord. every.damn.year.

i am 27 years old. it's my favorite number. i didn't really plan my 26th birthday last year because i knew that for my 27th i was going to do some giant party. haha. that of course never happened. i was too damn sad. i think the sadder thing is that everyone knows that 27 is my favorite number. i sure did get a ton of happy birthdays (but there was one that i didn't get that really hurt me. do you know who you are? why yes yes i am being passive aggressive. but i've always been very clear, i never ask anyone to love me) haha don't worry if you didn't because i don't post my birthday on facebook so unless you were one of my besties once upon a time and you've celebrated at least a handful of birthdays with me, i really didn't expect you to remember. i am especially thankful to connie and heather though for chatting me pretty much every damn day and asking me what we were doing for my birthday and for insisting you spend the day with me. my love language is spending time and you guys certainly did insist on loving me.

i am 27 years old. and i am done being so damn sad all the fucking time. i am young. i have no kids. no mortgage. a decent job. and i am about to have me some adventures.

i had a great time with iva at the ballet. neither of us had ever seen the nutcracker and it was certainly quite a production. there was a real horse and bangs and explosions and people in the air. definitely the most elaborate ballet i've ever seen.

im excited for the naked spa with the women in the church.
im excited to go bungee jumping and/or skydiving.
im learning to swim.
im going to feel some snow.

i am having some fun.

i am 27 years old.