the year isn't over yet.

it's been a significant year for me. back when i was in college i had high hopes for this year. 2011. it was the year that i had wanted to get married. silly hopes of a naive and idealistic college girl. it wasn't even like i had someone in mind to marry. but back then it didn't matter because there was still so much time. but 2009 and 2010 crept up on me and passed me by. and so two summers ago i resigned myself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen for me this year. which is fine. it was a silly wish anyway. but silly wishes are wishes nonetheless and wishes that don't come true are still bubbles burst.

but the Lord had such plans for me this year. He has provided and blessed and loved me so much this year. i had become so used to making do and working around the many shortcomings in my life. but even more than just working around my shortcomings, i chose to overcompensate for my shortcomings. i did not drive so i took the bus. i did not ask for help. it was like that saying. give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. i didn't want anyone to give me a fish. but it felt like no one wanted to teach me to fish and even more than that i felt like people didn't think that i could fish. and i accepted that, but i wasn't going to let people fish for me for the rest of my life. so i found other ways to feed myself.

but i will be forever grateful to jen blue for the hope that she gave me. she found people who would teach me to fish. she believed that i could fish. she even found a fish pole for me to use. and thus. i learned to drive. and i will forever be thankful to jen, kevin, john, and jen chi for making it happen. i will forever be thankful to connie for driving my car down with me from nor cal. for heather for driving with me all over south la. i felt a love in those months that i had never felt before. i not only felt love, i felt healing in my life.

and then last night i pet a dog. but more on that later.